Hi all! How are you doing today? 😉
Me? I’m doing fine, but #^&@* things been happening to me in the last…week! Just in this week, I was vandalized TWICE!! Crazy I tell you!! And it’s been…frustrating.
First was when I came back on Sunday, my “How I’m Environmentally-Friendly” list was removed, with a note saying “Your poster was vandalized, come talk to me for more info”. So I did, and apparently super-mean things along the line of “Caring for the environment is such a waste of time and is stupid.” (note: everything – posters and drawings – are/were on my door.)
Okay, so that was dumb, and yeah I told the RA, but I personally didn’t bother, because it wasn’t that important of a thing for me. And guess what? Today, when I was out of my room for 4 hours, someone wrote ON MY ARTWORK. Officially, they have crossed the line. I was NOT a happy girl. (and on the original copy, too. If it was a scanned-then-printed one, I wouldn’t be as mad) They wrote: “Can’t Understand Normal Thinking” (put the first letter of the each word together and see what it really says) Below is the scanned artwork.
Long and upsetting story short, these are the things that happened. BUT me being me, I was anaylizing why this happened. (over-thinker, much? I know, and I’m proud of it.) 🙂
“Why me? What did I do? What was it that I did bad?” I asked mysef. But in (my) a way, it made sense to me. (refer to title here)
Recently, I’ve been doubting myself like crazy. (Believing in myself is a huuuuuuuuuuuge task for me. My life mission, I shall say. :)) About…stuff. (ex: not trusting that I locked my door. And I KNOW that I unintentionally check and lock my door) Why? Um…a sign that I’m going to be able to trust myself in the future, is how I’m interpreting all this.
Vandalizing: anyone can be the one who did it. I don’t know who, but it could be anyone, right? So I saw (my own) a connection about me and these “events” happening to me.
“Maybe…maybe, because I’m not trusting myself, I’m not able to trust my actions nor the people around me.”
Yes yes, confidence is important. But ever since I was little, it was low. And now, I have to slowly get it back up. From what I’ve been learning in life for the last 5 years, the quote up there was what I came up with.
The world is like a mirror; what you do comes back to you (Karma). Because I don’t/didn’t believe/trust myself, I’m not being able to trust my own actions/people around me. Okay, so now what Sagojyou?
I have to trust myself. I have to trust that I did lock my doors. I have to trust that everything’s going to be okay.
I know I can’t see the future, and yes intuitions are right for a good amount of time, BUT, I KNOW from EXPERIENCE that sometimes, it can be wrong. I need to accept that, trust that (the fact that it can be wrong), and for my sake, believe in myself.
Isn’t life interesting? To succeed in it, we just have to follow the simple rules of life, but for some reason, it’s really hard to do so. 😉 (but if we can all live by the “ideal way of life”, I think the world would be corrupt…at least in the modern world.) 😉
So yeah! Sagojyou has to believe in herself, and I have to do it with confidence. Little by little, if I can do something that I promise to do, that would help me improve my self-confidence skill as a whole.
What I have found to work for me is that I make a list of stuff to do, and no matter how much I don’t feel like doing it (ex: homework), I DO it. No matter what. Then I realize that I feel really good about accomplishing it.
But if I leave it at there, that feeling would just fade away. SO, an advice to me and everybody else who needs the help I need (increasing self-confidence), WRITE WHAT YOU ACCOMPLISHED AND WRITE DOWN HOW GOOD YOU FEEL ABOUT IT. I’ve done it before for a little bit, and it helped me A LOT, because I then can remind myself how big of an accomplishment it was and how good I felt about it.
BE PROUD OF THE LITTLE THINGS YOU ACCOMPLISH. It will make SO MUCH difference than to not give yourself credit for those “little things” you did. Hey, doing the dishes is a great thing you accomplished there; then the house is clean. 😉 Yeay for a clean house. 🙂
I’ll keep you all updated on how me putting up a drawing that I found a line art to online and colored it goes. 🙂 Please wish me that this whole, crazy vandalizm would stop soon, because I really don’t enjoy it!
Have a good day and thanks for coming! 😉
P.S: If you have a good tip or two about how to boost your self esteem/confidence, please share! I would LOVE to know how you are confident about yourself. 😉